: Sometimes I feel like I have so much life in me that I’m going to burst if I can’t get it out. But I don’t know how. I don’t know where to invest my energy. I care about so many things; at the same time, I don’t care about any thing. There is a constant pressure against the walls of my chest from my heart beating so hard for things I care about and want to do, but nothing to center myself and provide some sort of compass towards realizing those things. I know I am eager to make a difference and to change the world for good. I know I want to work for and with people. I know I want to think big. But how? By doing what? Where do I start? There’s no blueprint in my brain for this summer, let alone the next few years and beyond.
I am stuck at the crossroads of my own ambition. I’m simultaneously fueled by a need to do something and held back by the feeling that what I am about to do may not be right enough. I am stalled by my pride and arrested by my fears while I long to accelerate; I long for movement.
There is a certain freedom in ambivalence, in being able to say that everything is sort of “Up in the air.” But as exhilarating as it is, it’s terrifying. Am I so afraid? Am I just not bold enough? How do I focus my energy? What should I be doing? (I know the answer to that is “do SOMETHING, at least”)
And the most daunting of all questions:
Where do I go from here?